Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize