I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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