I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
