I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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