We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
