Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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