Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
did i just pee glitter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
