It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
