how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
