There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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