I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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