you traded sex for a burrito?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
