..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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