Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
