Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
