he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
