I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
