We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize