you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
