my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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