who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
