im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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