I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
