I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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