Screwed.edu
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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