Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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