I skipped work to stalk him.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
