Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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