I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
