The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I supernannyed him into submission
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