New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
