At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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