are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My ass is underappreciated
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
