Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
