i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
