if i can run in heels then i can drive
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
