Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
