His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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