I only kidnapped one of them. chill
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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