Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
