You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
