mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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