I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
