I got her a Nickelback box set.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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