i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
