its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
