cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
