So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
