What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was like eating out sand paper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
