Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
