well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
