If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
