I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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