you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
