Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
