neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
