I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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