come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you never un-have a 4some
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