Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
