Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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