We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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