Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize