Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
