If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
