i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
