Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
