so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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