A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
