he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
50% drunk capacity currently
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize