I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
