Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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