i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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