how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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